Helping Your Child with Self-Discovery

- Ms. Niyati Sanghavi, Counseling Psychologist & Psychotherapist

As a parent, one of the best things you can provide to your child is the ability to really know themselves, their feelings, their strengths, their interests, and their values. This helps instill confidence in them as they move through life with purpose and resilience. Promoting self-awareness in children does not need to be difficult or expensive. It can begin with simple, daily practices.

Below are a few practical ideas that parents can add in their routine:

1. Foster conversation - Children need to feel safe to be open with their parents. Create an environment for your child where they feel that their thoughts and feelings are taken seriously and will be heard. Ask them open-ended questions: "What was the highlight of your day?" or "What did that make you feel?". When children are able to describe their situation and feelings, they get a better understanding of themselves. They may not be able to articulate their feelings instantaneously and that is okay. Exercise some patience and encourage them to keep continuing.

   
   

2. Be a Model for Self-Awareness- Children often learn by observation. Talk with them about your own thoughts and feelings in an age-appropriate way. This provides children with an opportunity to see that it’s okay to acknowledge feelings and take steps to address them. By modelling self-awareness, you are helping them understand that awareness requires paying attention to oneself, and that it is a lifelong process.

   
   

3. Embrace Their Strengths- Every child has natural talents/qualities that contribute to their uniqueness. Involve your child in recognizing and embracing their own individual strengths. For example, if your child loves drawing, validate their creative processes, by saying, “wow, I love how creative your drawings are.” These types of positive statements, help them accept and value their unique strengths. Additionally, you can also support them in exploring various activities like sports, music, writing, or problem-solving. Trying new things may help them identify what they enjoy and where their talents lie.

   
   

4. Talk about Feelings- Understanding feelings is super important to self-awareness. Talk with your child about different feelings (both the good and the bad), and let them know that all feelings are okay. You can use statement like, "It's okay to feel sad sometimes, everyone feels that way sometimes." You may use books, films, or feeling charts to help your children identify, understand, and express their feelings. This will help them learn how to manage their feelings more effectively.

   
   

5. Give Them Opportunities to Reflect- Support opportunities for your child to think about their experiences. Ask questions at the end of the event/activity, such as, "What did you like the best?" or "What do you think you would do differently next time?". This helps them process their experience and learn more about themselves. You could establish a habit of writing or drawing about their experience together as well. This provides them with opportunities to express their thinking and feelings without inhibition.

   
   

6. Don't Compare Your Child with Others- Every child develops in their own unique time and way. As parents, you should avoid comparing your child to their siblings, their peers, or even yourself when you were their age. Rather than saying, "Why can't you be more like your cousin?", find something unique about your child and compliment the individual quality. Comparisons can lead to self-doubt in your child. By finding something unique about your child, you help them focus and build their self-worth.

   
   

7. Support Independence- Children develop self-awareness when they start to make decisions and solve problems on their own. Give your child age-appropriate responsibilities and ask them to decisions. When they make a mistake, do not jump in right away to solve the problem. Help them start the process of problem-solving by walking them through understanding what happened and how they can fix it the next time it occurs.

   
   

8. Listen Rather than Fixing- At times children may only need to be heard. When your child talks to you about a problem, or a concern, just hear them out rather than providing solutions. Be attentive to what they are saying and guide them to explore how they feel, or how can they change the outcome and deal with things moving forward. This helps them build greater self-understanding.

Helping your child understand themselves isn't about being perfect. It's about being there, being patient, and being open with them. When you show love and acceptance, provide a safe space for exploration, and teach them about emotions, you are laying the groundwork for them to discover who they really are. Keep in mind that self-awareness is a process. Ultimately, with your guidance, your kid will grow to be a confident and self-assured person who knows their strengths, values, and place in the world.